Queuing Up (& Close)

Queuing and dignity are antithetical. If you are really important, facilities are set up exclusively for you. The very concept of queue is missing. If you are a little less important there is a queue alright but you can have someone else stand in for you. And if you are not so important but Dabang enough, you may insist on the queue starting from where you are. Who doesn't remember the famous dialogue by Big B - "Hum jahan khade hote hain, line wahin se shuru hoti hai. Hain! (I am always at the head of the queue and the rest queue up behind me.)"


However for lesser mortals like us queuing up is required almost everywhere. Here in India we have our own customs associated with queuing up. These are now being challenged because of concepts imported from places that consider themselves advanced. For example you now find an yellow line that is drawn some distance away from the counter servicing the queue. You will find this at airports, immigration counters etc. and the concept is catching on. There may be a notice displayed asking you to await your turn behind the yellow line. Now this is not merely a waste of precious space but also a denial of an educational opportunity. And all in the name of privacy, whatever that might mean. Our well-established customs permit no porosity in a queue right up to the head. In fact it is all the more important at the head. We gain much of our knowledge and worldly wisdom by observing the person at the counter and how he handles the mysterious ways of the service provider. Isn't a wise man one who learns from others? And if you are already wise enough, the fellow queuer at the counter gets the benefit of free counsel. So the proximity definitely benefits one of the two.


Apart from the loss of an educational opportunity, there are certain very real risks too in standing a couple of feet behind the guy at the counter. This may mislead a newcomer into thinking that he is in luck and there is no queue. So he goes ahead and stands next to the guy at the counter in a non-porous way. And if you object, he asks with real surprise the reasons for the huge gap between you and the fellow at the counter. I have also come across cases where this newcomer says in all honesty that he did not see you in the queue.


I must hasten to add that allowing no porosity at any place in the queue is just as important as it is at the head. According to our local and time-honored customs, any gap in the queue is taken to signify its end. And a newcomer will go to the first of such gaps and contribute his mite to removing porosity from the queue.


Such non-porosity automatically ensures that the paunch of the fellow behind you snugly fits into the small of your back. Since you may, after sometime, stop noticing that and get worried at being the last person in the queue, it is customary for the one behind you to occasionally nudge you in the ribs to assure you that there is no cause for worry. He may also use your back as a writing pad to enhance the quality of assurance.


Despite this solidity of the queue there are adamant queue-jumpers who keep hovering near the head of the queue and monitoring the alertness of and strength of protest from those in the queue. At the slightest sign of weakening in these vital signs, they quietly slip into the queue sideways. This is why you find the number two person in the queue moving out and rubbing shoulders with the fellow at the head on one side while number three rubs shoulders on the other side. Surprisingly this is practiced even if there are only two or three persons in the queue.


A more esoteric practice is not to jump the queue but to jump the counter itself and stand beside the service provider. This is normally preceded by months or years of hard work in getting chummy with and close to the service provider him/herself.


For gleaning more insights in queuing theory do observe queues at public places in UP and neighboring states.