This post is dedicated to Sureshbhai Patel, a visiting Indian grandparent in Alabama, who suffered a most unfortunate injury at the hands of the local police in Alabama when a neighbor reported him as a suspicious person. You can listen to an account of the incident from Mr. Patel's son by clicking here.
The Silicone Valley area in California and some other areas in the USA are not only home to many of the giants of the IT industry but have also become a unique hub of innovation and entrepreneurship in the whole of the world. These are also home to a large number of immigrants from India whose contributions to the valley phenomenon as also in other industries elsewhere are widely acknowledged. Many of these are first generation immigrants. These brave souls left India with lots of hope, excitement and, perhaps, a wee bit of anxiety at going to a distant and alien land: emotions shared by parents who bid them goodbye at a time when communication channels had not yet become so pervasive. Many of these parents did hope that their wards will finally make it back to India for good.
It was a very different world indeed. And yet these young boys and girls had to explore and figure out this world quickly for they were there to make a living. They could hardly afford to continue as star-struck tourists: All the more so as their talent and location got them good spouses and they readied to settle down. The role of the star-struck tourist would be later played by their parents. Their children wanted them to take a look at this world where many of the irritants that people continually faced back home were conspicuously missing.
Most parents with no firsthand experience of the western world must have found their first visit bewildering. Remember that this started over a decade ago. Today, as a friend pointed out, USA has many outposts in India where you can experience the same lingo and culture that you would in USA. But such outposts are few and visitors from smaller towns and villages must still be experiencing the bewilderment we talked about.
These first time visiting parents experienced an emotional turmoil that is difficult to describe to those who have not experienced it. Just when you thought you had matured enough with a grownup son or daughter, you find the roles reversed. The sudden dependence on your offspring for everything including mobility, spending, figuring out the world around you, is overwhelming. It must be equally stressful and awkward for the children to have their parents, authority figures for them, so lean on them.
The bewilderment comes from being in a place that looks different, where majority of inhabitants are from the white race that ruled us for a long time. But more than that it comes from very different social mores. You cannot casually walk on a road, it is an offence. You cannot set foot on private property that is marked so not by a fence but just a placard. Houses don't have boundaries and yet one has to know where the private property begins. A casual touch may be taken as an offense. Personal space and privacy are taken a bit too seriously. Nobody jumps a queue. Manual workers may not have a different look or a supplicating attitude. There is no indignity in doing your own chores. Littering and spitting are an absolute no. And, taking a cue from Mr. Patel's case, there is a definite protocol to be observed when you are stopped by the police. The list is pretty long.
It takes several of the short encounters before the mist in the touristy eyes begins to wear off and a visiting parent is able to see the new world for what it really is. The differences lose their starkness and one begins to see the similarities with things back home. One also learns to differentiate between things and situations that all looked equally foreign and remote.
Like all learning this too exacts its price. It is in terms of emotional stress and awkward moments. And if you are unlucky like Mr. Patel it could be physical.
The Silicone Valley area in California and some other areas in the USA are not only home to many of the giants of the IT industry but have also become a unique hub of innovation and entrepreneurship in the whole of the world. These are also home to a large number of immigrants from India whose contributions to the valley phenomenon as also in other industries elsewhere are widely acknowledged. Many of these are first generation immigrants. These brave souls left India with lots of hope, excitement and, perhaps, a wee bit of anxiety at going to a distant and alien land: emotions shared by parents who bid them goodbye at a time when communication channels had not yet become so pervasive. Many of these parents did hope that their wards will finally make it back to India for good.
It was a very different world indeed. And yet these young boys and girls had to explore and figure out this world quickly for they were there to make a living. They could hardly afford to continue as star-struck tourists: All the more so as their talent and location got them good spouses and they readied to settle down. The role of the star-struck tourist would be later played by their parents. Their children wanted them to take a look at this world where many of the irritants that people continually faced back home were conspicuously missing.
Most parents with no firsthand experience of the western world must have found their first visit bewildering. Remember that this started over a decade ago. Today, as a friend pointed out, USA has many outposts in India where you can experience the same lingo and culture that you would in USA. But such outposts are few and visitors from smaller towns and villages must still be experiencing the bewilderment we talked about.
These first time visiting parents experienced an emotional turmoil that is difficult to describe to those who have not experienced it. Just when you thought you had matured enough with a grownup son or daughter, you find the roles reversed. The sudden dependence on your offspring for everything including mobility, spending, figuring out the world around you, is overwhelming. It must be equally stressful and awkward for the children to have their parents, authority figures for them, so lean on them.
The bewilderment comes from being in a place that looks different, where majority of inhabitants are from the white race that ruled us for a long time. But more than that it comes from very different social mores. You cannot casually walk on a road, it is an offence. You cannot set foot on private property that is marked so not by a fence but just a placard. Houses don't have boundaries and yet one has to know where the private property begins. A casual touch may be taken as an offense. Personal space and privacy are taken a bit too seriously. Nobody jumps a queue. Manual workers may not have a different look or a supplicating attitude. There is no indignity in doing your own chores. Littering and spitting are an absolute no. And, taking a cue from Mr. Patel's case, there is a definite protocol to be observed when you are stopped by the police. The list is pretty long.
It takes several of the short encounters before the mist in the touristy eyes begins to wear off and a visiting parent is able to see the new world for what it really is. The differences lose their starkness and one begins to see the similarities with things back home. One also learns to differentiate between things and situations that all looked equally foreign and remote.
Like all learning this too exacts its price. It is in terms of emotional stress and awkward moments. And if you are unlucky like Mr. Patel it could be physical.
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