एक कविता और एक पैरोडी - AAP के नाम

उड़ाते थे जो आम आदमी की खिल्ली,
वो सभी हैं अब बन गए भीगी बिल्ली,
फकीरों की देखेंगे वो बादशाहत,
खुशकिस्मत जो हैं बाशिन्दा-ए-शहर-ए-दिल्ली.


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बाबुल मोरा करप्शन छूटो जाय,
AAP तो पर्वत भया, कुर्सी भई बिदेस,
दे के समर्थन आप को मैं चली पिया के देस।
बाबुल मोरा ...

आठ विधायक मिल मोरी डोलिया उठावें
मोरा दिल्ली NCR छूटो जाय रे,
बाबुल मोरा ...

Ideas for a truly secular government.

Religions, sans a small obligatory core of spirituality, are essentially a code of conduct and framework for governance for a society.  This framework extends to all aspects of mundane life - gender rights, property rights, definition of and penalties for crimes, duties towards family and society etc.  It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that religions arrogate to themselves the authority that should belong to the government.  I feel that initially, in homogeneous societies, governments must have necessarily been theocratic with a Rajguru or consultant priest in place.  Problems would have started arising when explorers / traders / invaders started moving into alien territories and overpowering them or mixing with them.  The differing frameworks and codes of conducts could perhaps only be reconciled by suppressing all but one or coming out with a new one to be followed by all the different groups.  Most modern governments go for the second option.  But there are compromises too.  Governments like ours have common laws for other spheres of life but the civil laws governing property, marriage, and gender rights are offered only as one more option with each group free to choose between this and those prescribed by its religion.  However this leads to conflicts and the best option remains to have a common code for all subjects.

In my opinion it may be a better option for the state to assert itself as an alternative to religion rather than feeling obliged to find a way to comply with conflicting demands from differing religions and appeasing the more militant ones.

Thus the State should actively promote conversion of people to its ways.  Those who abjure all personal laws in favor of the common one promoted by the State should be given a privileged status.  By the same token absolutely no concessions, or incentives, or encouragement should be provided for practicing any (other) religion.

However for this to happen it must be realized that regular religions provide not only a code of conduct and framework for governance but also provide formats for solemnization of important landmarks in one's life, for example, birth, start of education, marriage, death etc.  Each of the regular religions also provide a core imagery and content that foster art forms like music, dance, painting, drama and others that add zest to life.  The state must necessarily provide all of this to posit itself as a credible competition to religions.  All registrars for various life events have to be cheerful masters of ceremony and not just drab and officious officials.  There also has to be a vibrant wing for arts and culture inspired entirely by the values promoted by the governments.  Their services should be offered free to all the citizens who have gained privileged status by abjuring their religions.

A truly secular state ought to try this out even if it all sounds impractical and difficult to achieve.  You may argue that substituting a single religion for the numerous that exist today will take away all the variety from life.  But then it has to be realized that it will also take away all the unnecessary strife.

Ill defined processes and corruption at the grassroots level.

Many theories have been advanced to explain higher levels of corruption in our society, especially that at the lower levels of hierarchy, as compared to certain developed western countries.  One theory attributes lower levels of corruption in the west to their individualistic tendencies while an individual in India is defined only in terms of his family, community and society.  Another theory attributes corruption in our society to our firm belief in placating planets and gods and, by extension, all authority figures through offerings.  There are other theories too.  I would like to add one more theory to this collection.  I have constructed this theory on the basis of my observations during a few brief visits to USA.

I have noticed during my visits that operating procedures are very highly standardized and are modeled as an assembly line.  You notice this in fast food joints, retail stores, government offices and everywhere.  As a friend put it, USA is an SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) driven country.  I am sure that the standard procedures are defined at the very top level where people have a complete view of the business and apply careful thought to processes.  As against this each operative at the customer contact point has a rigorously defined process to execute.  They are so focused on their process that they neither have the time nor the inclination to go or learn beyond it.  Even the language for interaction with the customer is standardized and any deviation from it often leads to confusion.  This ensures efficient delivery of services and eliminates any discrimination.

I feel that the situation is very different here in India.  Of course we are excepting the organizations that are an offshoot from the west or have deliberately modeled themselves on that pattern.  In our country the top only defines things in broad terms, if at all, and seldom takes the trouble of structuring the processes and procedures in complete detail and this is left to the people at the lower level who actually deliver the service.  I used to work in a bank and had the opportunity to see the manual operations being computerized.  There was frequent bewilderment while defining the standard procedures for implementation in the software because several branches and regions were found to be following a different procedure of their own.  I have seen most formats received from RBI or the government at the head office level for certain data being passed on to the branches exactly as they were received.  Nobody bothered to consider why should a format to be filled out by a single branch have rows for district-wise and state-wise totals.  As the government bureaucracy was the role model for Public Sector banks, I presume things must be the same in the government offices too.

The result is that while the top is busy with unabashed exercise and enjoyment of power, people at the lowest levels evolve all the detailed processes.  Their motive is seldom to provide the very best service to the customer.  Things are often kept vague to enable staff to evade responsibility and to browbeat the customer into submission to their demands.  The system is designed, rather misdesigned by them and they know it too well to twist and bend it as they like.  So if you are from the VIP class and have the contacts to get me chastised, your job gets done in a jiffy using embedded alternate shortcuts.  If you are not, God help you.  I do wonder if it is the lack of discrimination between VIPs and non-VIPs that offends the sensibilities of our VIPs when they travel abroad to more egalitarian and process-driven parts of the world.

The insistence by Kejariwal and his party for having well defined Citizens' Charter and ruthlessly implementing it is only an attempt at straightening out the garbled up processes in government offices.

This is also the reason that IT-enabling the bureaucratic processes is seen as one way of curbing corruption.  IT-enabling forces you to define your processes clearly and also provides efficient tools for monitoring (by a Lokpal!?)

Devyani versus Sangeeta

Live-in domestic help seems to be a common practice amongst the better-to-do Indians.  Quite a few of these workers are minors too.  A shelter and two square meals with a much-too-meagre salary thrown in is all it takes to lure them in.  If you are in a position of power and can promise a job or a visa to better pastures, the attraction becomes fatal.  The other party would trade in all its rights for this offer.  The practice is widespread and hence any questions on its legality are always brushed aside.  But in case a legal dispute did arise on whose side will you be?

I am surprised to find Mayawati siding with Devyani simply because she is a Dalit by birth.   I do not know whether Sangeeta is a Dalit or not.  But I do feel that Mayawati's sympathies  should have been with Sangeeta, a Dalit in the real sense of the word.

I agree that USA has been callous and totally mindless of Indian sensibilities in the way it handled Devyani.  But has it also not done a service to us by drawing attention to the plight of Sangeetas of our country?  And does our unusually stern reaction stem from our discomfort in facing this issue squarely?

Homo sapien homosexuality

I am indeed bewildered by the shrill and loud cries demanding rights for homosexuals and perplexed to find sane and logical persons defending these cries equally vigorously!  I always thought that homosexuality was the result of treating sex as a taboo and tightly controlling all access to members of the opposite sex.  It is indeed perplexing to find it flourishing in today's world that is liberal to the extent of being licentious.

It is all too easy to see the beautifully designed (evolved for Darwinists) algorithm of procreational sex.  Features of female anatomy that males find most attractive are precisely those that facilitate conception, delivery and nurturing of a baby.  Though modern society severely discourages body odors and encourages supplanting them with manufactured ones, research shows that body scent too is a mechanism to help sniff out the person whose gene-set compliments yours.  The whole algorithm underlying human sexuality is geared to help conception, delivery and survival of best possible offspring.  Though, to be sure, these algorithms are impeded by societal controls and sometimes even the institution of marriage.  Now that both the impediments are weakening, the sexual activity seems to be going wayward instead of correcting course.

It is difficult to fathom where has the nature's algorithm gone wrong.  Could it be a deviant preoccupation with recreational sex to the exclusion of procreational?   Is it a phenomenon similar to addiction to junk food to the exclusion of the healthy ones?  I wouldn't know.  What is obvious is that nature never meant it to be this way and homo in homo sapiens does not stand for homosexuality.

Asking for such relationships to be granted legal recognition is like an insistence that doctors classify junk food as healthy and narcotics as normal drugs.  And the demand by same sex couples for adoption of children must positively be denied.  You just cannot condemn a child to such upbringing.

The only concession that can probably be granted is to not to persecute consenting adults for homosexuality.  Though it will help if they could be persuaded to undergo the course that is sure to cure them according to Baba Ramdev.  Of course this means that we insist on treating it as an abnormality.  This also means that politicians stop pandering to this new found vote bank and journalists stop propagating it as elitist and fashionable.

A discount coupon consigned to the dustbin!

Recently my credit card company was kind enough to send me two vouchers for Rs.500/= each to be redeemed at a Wills Lifestyle store.  As jeans and t-shirt has become the standard dress code for me post retirement, I thought of getting myself a full sleeves T for the winters.  I visited the Wills Lifestyle section in a West Side shop.  There I learnt that I had to go to a full fledged Wills store to redeem the coupons.  And then while reading the terms and conditions again I further realized that the two coupons could not be clubbed together.  That meant that I had to purchase two separate items from a Wills store.  I regretted having parked my vehicle in the paid parking for such a brief transactions and drove to the Wills store in a Mall further down the road.

Wills did not have the kind of T that I was interested in.  And amongst what they had, the least expensive one was priced at around Rs.2000/=!! It looked like a pretty bad bargain even after discounting the coupon value.  I decided to take a look at the shirts.  I knew that Wills Lifestyle is an expensive store but was hardly prepared for what I stumbled upon.  It was a stack of shirts each priced at Rs.5,495/=!!!!!  Yes, you got it right: Rupees Five Thousand Four Hundred Ninety Five for a single shirt!  I told the salesman that this was a discovery that I was going to share with all my friends even if they already knew it.  He showed me some "affordable" shirts priced at around Rs.2000/=;  but my mind was already made.  I threw the coupons in the nearest dustbin and proceeded to Spencers' where I got exactly what I had in mind for a price in three digits.

I am wondering how far below the "Wills" poverty line do I lie?

Forced to Carry the Burden of Government's Economic Sins!

Recently I ventured into a Tanishq store to explore if I could afford a miniature piece of jewelry to be given as a wedding gift.  There wasn't much on offer that could fit my budget.  It was partly on account of skyrocketing prices of gold and partly on account of steep making charges that account for almost one fourth of the total cost! Why not gift a small gold coin then?  I made inquiries with the salesman and learnt a couple of things.  First is that even gold coins have a making charge though it is much less than jewelry.  It may be okay as they use a single rate for buying and selling.  Hence making charges must at least cover a margin for trading too.  The second fact was that they had no coins to sell!!  A few that they did have were fitted with a hook to make them a pendant - a jewelry!

This was a rather shocking discovery.  The salesman explained that there were directives from the Government NOT to sell gold coins.  There is a news in today's NavBharat Times that says that Post Offices will NOT sell gold coins.  This makes the salesman's explanation sound credible.  This also means that gold coins were selling fast and the government did not want them to.  It is significant that there is no ban on wasteful and expensive gold jewelry and its sale doesn't bother the government.

If gold coins were selling in large quantities, it could not be just for gifting.  People are using it as a store of value.  This a function that money is supposed to fulfill but the the fiat money is failing miserably to do so.  Inflation is high and the government is using pressure tactic to keep interest rates artificially low.  On top of these meager interest rates, the interest income is subjected to high income tax! This means that if you keep your savings in the form of fiat money or even bank deposits, its value is getting continually and seriously eroded.  And the blame for all of this squarely rests with the government.  It is their economic policies that have lead to this bleak situation.  Ordinary citizens facing such predicament cannot be faulted for trying to store their hard-earned savings in gold which is far more inflation resistant and risk-free.

This being the case, denying the option of investing in gold to a common citizen is unfair and unjust. The government is persisting with its bungling, inefficiencies and populism happy in the knowledge that the costs can be forced down the throat of a hapless middle class.  Will the judiciary take notice of this please and can they remedy the situation?  We don't know who else to look to for a remedy.

Search for the Right Sized Gadget(s)

First we had desktops that needed a huge carton and help for transporting around.  Then came laptops that one could lug along in a backpack.  Recently tablets are on the rise and these can be carried even by the 'suits' in a briefcase.  But in between laptops and tablets we also have phones which are aspiring for total convergence by becoming phablets!

This is all the outcome of hardware that is shrinking just as fast as it is becoming powerful and a desire to have an omnibus device into which all electronic devices converge.  People have already started wondering if someday we will have a tiny device implanted into us that will be wired directly  into the visual, auditory (and maybe olfactory and touch and taste) centers of the brain obviating the need for output devices like screens and speakers etcetera.  The input devices are already on the path to redundancy with the rapid advancements in voice and gesture recognition technologies.  In the meantime keyboards have shrunk to occupy a small part of the screen with just two thumbs sufficing for operating it instead of all the ten fingers.

By way of a side note, I wonder if the implants mentioned above were to become a reality, will CEOs be the first to go for them.  Thus far they have always been at the head of the queue for all new sophisticated gadgets, their inability to make full use of it without secretarial assistance notwithstanding

In any case the implants are going to be a long time coming.  So for the present the right size for a phablet remains a contentious and vexatious issue.

As far as screen size is concerned, bigger will naturally be better.  But then we have to keep in mind that a phone, unlike a tablet, has to be carried in your pocket and not in a briefcase.  While suits may find even a bigger size okay, those accustomed to casuals or semi-formals may become uncomfortable with a size exceeding 4.75".  Then weight too increases with the size and the pocket sagging index poses stricter limits.  Inflexibility of the screen and accidental pressure on the hardware button for awakening the phone become a problem if the phone is carried in a jeans' pocket and one has to sit down.

As one of the billion consumers, I would be quite happy if someone could come up with a tiny phone that could be used only for voice calls together with a tablet that could be carried in a carry case with a wrist-strap.  The tablet must have 3G / 4G and wifi connectivity while the phone could very well work on 2G.  Also it should have wi-fi connectivity and applications like Whatsapp and Viber preloaded.  All other apps not meant for voice calls or texting should reside only on the tablet.

I will be even happier if manufacturers could come up with batteries that will recharge themselves through normal movement / body heat / electromagnetic radiation all around us or whatever except a mains which effectively renders these mobile devices immobile.

No Adult Franchise for Citizens for Profit

A government can be viewed as a very special service provider for its citizens.  Its principal duties being to protect the rights, life and honor of its citizens, and make and enforce laws for the purpose.  These services are paid for by its consumers - the citizens.  The payment is in the form of contributions to the economy and payment of taxes.  In return the citizens get the right to choose the people who can best provide these services.

It is unfortunate that those who have tasted the fruits of power grow so addicted to it that instead of performing they resort to bribing sections of electorate through offers of free entitlements.  To be sure these are not free.  These have to be paid for by the productive citizens.  There is a very real danger here. The aspirants in a democratic system will be all too happy if the recipients of free entitlements are and remain or grow to be more numerous than the productive ones.  For this majority will keep them in power. They don't care for the productive minority or the long term fallout for there will be another election in the long run!

It is true that there are destitutes in our country who do need support from the state.  However it cannot be gainsaid that the long term goal ought to be to enhance the number of citizens who take pride in their contributions to the economy and are capable of paying for quality governance.  This calls for striving to bring down the numbers of those who have to be provided free services and more.

This desirable long term goal seems to be in conflict with the political machinations in a democratic system.  How can this be corrected while holding on to democracy?  A clue is provided by Article 102 of the Constitution of India.  It says that a person shall be disqualified for being chosen as, and for being, a member of either house of Parliament, if he holds any "office of profit" under the Government of India or the Government of any State.  The reasons must be obvious.  You should not be the one to define and amend the system if you directly benefit from it.

On the same lines adult franchise should be limited to those who are net contributors to the economy.  One way of doing so could be to limit the right to vote to income tax payers howsoever small be the tax paid by them.  However this will exclude the most important class of citizens, namely agriculturists, from the democratic process.  So the criterion could be to include all income tax payers and all those who have an income which is at least two times the monetary value of all subsidies and entitlements received by them at current market prices.  Those who do not meet these two criteria should be excluded from adult franchise (It is these people who have been referred to in the title of this blog post as Citizens for Profit.)  This will arrest the political processes that seek to maintain and increase destitution for garnering votes.

It may be argued that it is going to be a tough job to identify the people who are to be excluded. But this may not be the case. All the recipients of subsidies and entitlements are always required to produce an income certificate from a local government functionary first.  All that is needed is a liaison between this official and the election commission's office.It may also be argued that as such destitutes will have no power to vote, no party would care for them.  I feel that they would, on the contrary, show genuine care for them and try to lift them to the voting class as a loyal supporter.

I would love to hear your views on the topic.

Expenses on Social and Electronic Media

Suddenly there is a spate of news items saying that the Election Commission will be closely monitoring expenses by political parties on Social Media (SM.)  They all seem to suggest that these expenses are huge and some parties may be resorting to tech-enabled publicity and interactions to evade a scrutiny of their overall expenses.  Certain sections of the society may even be taken in by these insidious suggestions thinking that high-tech must indeed be expensive.

And yet large sections of the society which obviously include the reporters from print and electronic media, know how amazingly inexpensive this media is!  In fact most of these services are free.   And though you may have to pay for hosting a website and development of a few apps, the aggregate cost of these over a period of five years will be much less than a single helicopter trip to a corner of the country for addressing people plus the cost of organizing the meeting and bringing hordes of people there.  I am sure that it cannot be anybody's case that even if you use free services of Facebook, Google+, YouTube etc. a certain percentage of market capitalization of these giants must be reckoned as the actual expenditure.  Needless to add that this is only in a lighter vein.

Apart from being extremely cost effective, use of SM is environment friendly too.  I cannot forget the litter throughout our colony in Lucknow after the municipal elections last time.  The streets were full of discarded envelopes, colorful pamphlets, banners etcetera.

In fact I firmly believe that use of Social Media and Electronic Media (SMEM)can substantially bring down electioneering costs.  This can lower the entry barrier just enough to bring in competition from people who today cannot think of entering politics.  And, in turn, this can lead to cleansing of politics.

I would even go so far as to suggest that use of SMEM should be made mandatory and funded by the government.  And Election Commission must scrutinize very thoroughly the expenses of those who choose not to use SMEM or use them only perfunctorily.

Never Knew this!!

Railways have on their rolls employees called "Platform Incharge" tasked with helping passengers at stations.  How did they manage to keep this so carefully concealed from the intended beneficiaries? This calls for a case study if not a CBI enquiry.

राजकुंवर की तुतली बानी

राजकुंवर की तुतली बानी 
क्या कहते खुद ही न समझते 
अर्थ ढूँढ़ते मंत्री ज्ञानी 
राजभवन के अन्दर बैठी 
सबको नाच नचाती रानी 
दाढ़ी वाले बंधूजी ने 
टक्कर देने की है ठानी 
उठ जाओ प्यारे श्रोताओं 
आगे लिखनी तुम्हें कहानी 
राजकुंवर की तुतली बानी।

You dig?

I too had a dream last night.  Yes, you got it right.  It was about a treasure lying buried beneath my house.  This has me buried, sorry, worried.  A buried treasure calls for digging.  There is already a great deal of digging going on in the town.  Someone is digging for building a metro and someone for widening the road.  Again someone is digging for laying cables and someone is digging just in the hope of getting a contract for leveling the very potholes created by him.  Some people are digging deep into the state finances for distributing gadgets amongst the young.  In the villages they are digging up ponds, then leveling them and then digging it up again, all under MNREGA.  The digging spree has now spread to dilapidated structures and barren lands too.  All thanks to a person like me who has nothing better to do than dream!

Amidst all this digging the only digging-free zone left to a common man is his home; dear sweet home!  The very thought that this only shelter is also going to succumb to the digging spree all around it is indeed frightening.

Feeling terribly scared I approached a wise friend for counselling and advice.  He gave a long and deep thought to my dream.  Then he asked me if I still read financial news even after my retirement.  When I said yes, he probed further.  He specifically asked me if I had read the item that said that yields on reverse mortgage by senior citizens might triple after recent interventions and contemplated tax breaks.  When I said yes, his eyes lit up.

"So", said my wise friend, "it is your subconscious underscoring that dream to force your attention to the news.  The gold doesn't lie beneath the house, the house is it!"  And if you are interested in that symbolic gold, relax: You don't have to dig.  Leave it to your bankers with a reverse mortgage.  And even they will have to wait for your grave to be dug first before they can sell it to a fellow who will be obliged to demolish the old structure and dig afresh for a new one.  But then you would have been assured of a digging-free shelter for your whole long life.

You dig?

An appeal

Dear One,

I am truly glad that you chose to read this appeal.  Please read through the complete communication and then take a decision.

Many of us are currently experiencing a kind of euphoria at the possibility of getting a leader who stands for good governance and development in a no-nonsense manner.  However we must remind ourselves the sense of despair that we collectively went through when scam after scam were unearthed.  There was an uprising against total lack of values in the political system.  Any holier-than-thou mantle that BJP may have pretended to wear was found to be like the emperor's mythical  invisible clothes.  This was the time when the nation collectively realized that the ruling class, the politicians, were strongly united in their pursuit of power and pelf even as they divided the electorate along innumerable lines of caste, creed, region et al.  Remember how we desperately looked for an alternative only to be reminded again and again that there was none.  Any dim hopes that arose from Anna Hazare's movement were extinguished by Anna's firm refusal to enter politics.  We felt like a rudderless ship surrounded by rapacious pirates.

In my humble opinion the situation has not changed since then.  Congress remains firm in its pursuit of audacious and immoral politics.  BJP which was equally embarrassed by various exposes has fortuitously found a tall leader and allowed him to ride roughshod over power starved seniors and in the process make the public forget about startling similarities between it and Congress.

Many of us feel that if Narendra Modi comes to power, it may mark the beginning of a phase for the better as was the case under Atal Bihari Bajpayee's regime.  However it will be recalled that once Atalji was gone from the scene, the usual sickly tendencies sprung back with a vengeance.  Also there is a section of skeptics who think that things have gone so far downhill that the entrenched parties are incapable of delivering even with a strong and well-intentioned leader.  And who knows better than us Indians that such a leader has become the rarest of the rare commodity; and hence the euphoria over NaMo.

Whichever group you belong to and whatever may be your current affiliations, you will agree that there is an urgent, very urgent need to nurture any movement in politics that is for the explicit purpose of bringing about a change and turning the tide in favor of a clean, honest and committed government.  We have been praying and looking for such a movement to take shape, but in vain.  It seemed as if there was not one person who had the courage of his convictions and was committed enough to undertake the task.  And this is not to deny that the task is mammoth indeed.  Even an exceptional leader like Narendra Modi has to ride on the back of his party for achieving his goals.

It is wondrous that all the agitation and churning amongst the public at large has thrown up a leader like Arvind Kejriwal who has demonstrated his organizational and leadership capabilities by doing the nearly impossible task of setting up a party that doesn't draw its sustenance from funds and manpower of dubious origins.  Even stalwarts in politics never thought that he will be able to do it.  That is why they heaved a sigh of relief when he accepted their challenge to enter politics and bring about the change that we all desired.  They were sure that he will never succeed.  And yet Arvind has done it.  This reminds me of a famous quote from Pearl S Buck.  It goes like this - "The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore they attempt the impossible - and achieve it, generation after generation."

Arvind seems fully committed to running his party on clean funds only and is asking for donations.  In my opinion all of us who crave for a change in this country must rise to the call and contribute our mite.  Let us ensure that the commendable cleaning up task that Arvind Kejriwal has undertaken does not suffer for want of clean funds.

Dear reader, it is possible that you may not be a staunch supporter of AAP party.  And yet you must contribute to it so that it is up and running by the time the need for such a party becomes desperately obvious.  If you ask why, here is my reply.  We all know that genetic diversity is an absolute must for any species to survive diverse threats that it constantly faces.  The same is true of any system including our political system.  Here unfortunately the diversity in terms of ideologies, principles and commitments are totally gone.  All the parties are essentially alike with the same set of weaknesses.  This is the reason that the system falls an easy prey to viruses of corruption, misgovernance and apathy to national concerns.  We have to help AAP to grow for the simple reason that it is different and will bring back some of the badly needed diversity in the political system.

I urge you to do your bit and contribute here: https://donate.aamaadmiparty.org/.  I have already done so.

Regards,

Anil Kumar Upadhyaya

Build more toilets - Eastern or Western?

A fierce debate is raging currently on the relative importance of toilets in the life of mango people.  I would like to contribute ideas that may lead to a healthy debate on its design in case the issue is decided in favor of building more toilets - outside and within temple compounds.

The debate on western commode versus eastern seat seems to have already been decided in a democratic manner in favor of the western commode.  This naturally happened because of high prevalence of arthritis rather than any onslaught of western culture.  The minorities opposed to things western as also having sound knees are forced to perch on the rim maintaining a precarious balance.  In keeping with the tradition of minority appeasement a fusion design has emerged.  In this design the rim flattens out in the shape of the footrest in the eastern model and imparts stability to the perching minorities without compromising the needs of the majority. What a win-win situation!  The only grouse of the majority is that the squatters often ignore the additional cleaning up required because of their yogic posture.

Next comes the issue of post-relief cleaning up.  Use of water in the traditional manner involves use of both the hands with your butt lifted off the seat.  It should not be difficult to guess why use of both the hands is required - one hand to dispense the water and the other one to use it.  This is not a sustainable proposition for those weak in the knees.  So a jet that can precisely direct a stream of water at the target is attached to the rim.  However since such precision is not so easy to achieve, a post-water clean up with paper may be called for.  This completes the western setup with a toilet roll on the side of the commode.

However the setup mentioned above seems to be in contravention of the recent government guidelines for the hospitality industry.  The guidelines state that "..... shall provide water sprays or bidets or washlets or other modern water based post-toilet-paper hygiene facilities."  The guidelines seem to suggest use of paper first and water only afterwards!  However as the guidelines come from none other than the government, these can hardly be questioned.

Finally the noxious issue of ventilation remains to be solved.   Though some yogi babas have made unverified claims of divine scent in their excrement, for unsaintly ordinary mortals it is quite otherwise.  The approach to ventilation again is different in the west and the east.  The common practice in the east is to use lateral exhausts to throw the scent at the next door neighbor’s property.  The west seems to have heightened sensitivity to odors.  So they prefer an exhaust that is ducted to the roof for throwing it skywards.  And this is why one finds their toilets devoid of any opening in the four walls.

As vertical ducting through the roof is likely to be quite costly, this will have to be decided after deducting the leakages predicted by Late Rajiv Gandhi from the allocated funds.  Keep your fingers crossed; it is going to be a long debate.

Occidental driving

If one had all the roads to onself, like VVIPs do when they are forced to travel by road, driving will either be sheer bore or sheer fun depending on your personality type.  Real life driving for commoners like us involves coordination with umpteen fellow users.  And hence merely knowing the rules is not enough; you must also know what goes on in the minds of fellow users and how do they normally react to exceptions.  On your home turf you know all the user types and all the possible reactions and the knowledge has been internalized.  But this advantage is lost in a place where you are a stranger.  An example will illustrate it.

At places where a lane joins a main thoroughfare and there are no signals, the traffic on the thoroughfare has the right of way and those about to enter it from the lane are supposed to wait for a safe entry.  I was driving on such a thoroughfare in the city of Cupertino when I saw a vehicle from a lane on the right approaching at not too slow a speed.  Now I had an apprehension whether this fellow is going to honor my right of way or not and so going by the principle better-safe-than-sorry I stopped.  The other fellow had already stopped by that time and even gave a short honk to draw my attention and motioned to me to go ahead (as per the rule!)  I was lucky in so much as there was no vehicle following me closely.  Had there been one it would surely have crashed into mine as it would not have anticipated my stop.  I hardly need to add that  in India it would be the other way round: taking your right of way too seriously could be fatal!  Here in the motherland the guiding principle is that all drivers on the road have a free will and will surely exercise it and you better be ready for it.

Apart from attitudes you find significant differences in the physical design of the road too.  Our roads are plain strips with no internal modulations but only curve of the complete strip around lands difficult to acquire at the time of construction.  In USA I found most roads straight as straight can be.  But these straight roads have internal modulations that show a brilliant application of thought.  At most intersections, the side of the road feeding the intersection becomes wider and as a corollary the other side which is fed from the intersection becomes narrow, sometimes to the extent of being reduced to a single lane.  This facilitates the traffic on the feeder side to properly segregate itself for left turn, right turn, and going straight through.  Naturally the same thing happens on the road across the intersection too.  Thus when you position yourself in the lane for a left turn (and so has part of the traffic on the opposite side of the intersection), you find yourself facing one lane of traffic from the other side head on!!  (Please remember that left in USA is what right is in India.)  When you experience it for the first time it can scare you out of your wits: For you never experience this in India where everything is rigidly linear and equally spaced.  Such a widening out to the left happens at left turns into smaller lanes too.  This allows you to wait in the marked space for a safe opportunity to make the turn without holding up the traffic behind you.  Such protected lanes for a turn are delineated by solid white lines.  As in India so in USA a solid white line means that you cannot cross it from either side to move into a different lane.  The difference lies in the simple fact that the rule is scrupulously honored in USA.  On highways the solid white lines marking an exit are accompanied by a legend "Lane Must Exit."  You just cannot change your mind once you enter the segregated lane!  And this Must-Exit rule applies to left turn lanes on normal roads too just as rigidly.

Having mentioned highways, called expressways in USA, I must add that one finds the same shining examples of application of thought on the highways too.  When you enter an expressway from a regular city road the entrance is in the form of a long strip that allows you to accelerate to highway speeds before merging into the highway.  So you don't barge into a highway, you merge into it.  This minimizes chances of any collisions on account of serious mismatch of speeds.  Though at peak traffic hours when the traffic on the expressway also turns slow, a signal light starts operating on the entrance allowing only one vehicle at a time. Next vehicle enters after a couple of seconds.  This again ensures a fair match between traffic already on the expressway and that entering it at any point. You also have long exits that allow you to reduce you speed in a comfortable fashion.  There is no slow moving traffic on the expressways, no pedestrians making adventurous attempts to cross the roads and above all absolutely no traffic moving the wrong way to avoid a circuitous drive back!!  The lane discipline is superb.

Here in India I recently drove from Lucknow to Basti, a distance of around 200 kms.  It is a pretty good highway by Indian standards though I did find a couple of can-break-your-axle strengths potholes that had been painted black to minimize the probability of vehicles avoiding it altogether.  Let me not forget to mention that the consideration (toll tax) for such excellent service levels was a whopping Rs.400/= for a return trip!!  For that amount you can ride a deluxe Volvo service to your destination!!!  But let us not digress.  What was most perplexing was the near total lack of documentation on the road.  You have to strain hard to figure out which area you are passing through, where will the next exit take you and how far you might be from your final destination.  A few hoardings that you could spot after straining a great deal will be hidden behind foliage!!  All your information comes from commercial hoardings which often mention name of the place and signages on shops which are never too far away from a highway!!

Comparing the level of documentation on the roads and expressways of USA with what we have would be like comparing a well authored multi-volume leather bound book to a small crumpled up manuscript containing the first rough draft of a chapter.  Over and above the static documentation showing your location, destinations to which the roads are headed, upcoming exits, speed limits etc., you also have live displays about any adverse weather conditions or likely delays to be faced due to heavy traffic up the route.  It takes time to get used to such service levels and drive normally without getting bowled over.

Before I close I must mention the stop-look-go as mandated and practiced on roads which may lack documentation and signalling.  At such intersection on such roads each vehicle is supposed to stop and then proceed only after any vehicles which stopped earlier have passed.  Even if you are absolutely certain that there is no other vehicle except yours you must still stop at the intersection and penalties for not doing so can be quite stiff.  Such rules and well defined right of way coupled with the fact that these are scrupulously enforced and followed make life really easy for drivers.

Even the huge parking lots surrounding shopping malls or offices also have arrows and markings to guide you and keep the flow smooth.  What amazes you most is that most of this terrific network of roads was built in 1930s and 40s!

The roads are evolving in India too and we get a glimpse of future in certain recently constructed stretches of highways.  Let us hope that someday we will also have a network that will offer safe and pleasurable drive to millions of existing and upcoming new automobile owners.  Amen!

Driving in the orient versus driving in the occident.

It is only after you have driven on the roads of an alien land that you realize the comaradarie, bonhomie, huge flexibility, complete trust in fellow drivers and willingness to occasionally forgive them for breach of that trust and many other heartwarming traits that mark the driving experience in most places in India.  And this is very unlike driving on the roads of the alien occident.

I am sure that the rule-book in India must be as thick a volume as elsewhere.  I would be happy if someone who has ever seen and read it could confirm this.  However when it comes to practice our genius has reduced the whole thing to just one simple rule: Try and get to the destination by all means and as far as possible, and no farther, avoid bumping into things, people and animals.  This translates into a traffic that is far from linear and unidirectional.  Traffic flows in all possible directions.  But then everyone is expecting it to be so and so carefully scanning the three dimensional space around him and also continuously announcing his own presence through powerful horns.  The horn of course is only a general caution and specific cautions are issued verbally by calling names and inquiring about deafness and blindness levels of those around you. Occasional threats of violence to the offender's own person or his / her female relatives are not uncommon either.  All this mutual cooperation and reinforcement allows the multidirectional traffic to go through with fewer accidents than our brethren in the occident might think.

Also unlike the occident, the roads here are shared by cattle, pedestrians (footpaths are for shopkeepers and other sundry vendors), vending carts, push carts, bullock carts, rickshaws with protruding iron bars, wooden planks etc.  The totally relaxed way  in which they use the road and the sudden Brownian motions in which they engage clearly bring out their total faith in the driving skills of automobile drivers as also their trust in the non-homicidal instincts of the drivers.  Jaywalking is an unknown term here and the concept is loathed as opposed to socialism.  Everyone has a right to use the road - a common asset - irrespective of whether or not he owns an automobile!  The motorists honor the sentiments and reciprocate by displaying similar trust in the agility and resourcefulness of pedestrians when driving in parking lots and similar places.

A term which has very different interpretations here and in the occident is the right of way.  The right of way in the occident is strictly rule-based and without regard to the size or speed of the vehicle or abusive powers of the driver.  In the virile east, might is right.  So a driver with the most glaring eyes or more powerful / expensive car or the one with greatest dare or with the flag of the most powerful political party has the right of way.  In the cramped spaces between larger automobiles the cyclists, scooterists and motorcyclists have the right of way as long as they can scrape through.

The ethos and the philosophy described above naturally imply a total disregard for signals and similar trappings.  Though the signals may be reluctantly and grudging acknowledged if reinforced with the presence of traffic cops.  Of course even this applies only to lesser mortals and not to those who are acknowledged as VIPs.  In my part of the country if you were to stop at a red signal, with no cop around or only a disinterested one manning it, you are quite likely to be honked and yelled at.  If you persist you will face fiery glares from those forced to overtake you because of your obstinacy.

This is not to say that the authorities are taking it all lying down.  They are trying to hammer in some sense by constructing dividers and better roads etc.  However the ingenuity displayed by public at large is a more than adequate match for such gimmicks.  You may read about it here: Bipolar Magnetic Law of the Road.

So what happens when you attempt to drive in the occident after having been conditioned by the ethos and the philosophy described above?  Well that deserves, in the least, a new write-up.

Driving an automatic transmission car in the USA

Thus far on my visits to my son in USA I always used to be a passenger in his or my daughter-in-law's car, taking in the sights and having a chit-chat with my elder grandson.  This time it was different.  My son had a car to spare.  He had read the manual from Government of California that said that a visitor could drive there if he had a valid license from his own country.  So he insisted that I should be a little adventurous and venture out on the roads and into the shops with his mom.

In India I had upgraded myself from a 4-gear drive to 5-gear drive.  However here the first step was to familiarize myself with a gearless car, automatic transmission as it is called.  Of course a gear shift lever is very much there, what is truly missing is the clutch pedal!  The gear lever moves along one dimension only in an arc like manner, with Parking gear at the top.  Points that came across as important are like this.  You can start the engine only if the car is in the parking gear:  You also have to hold the brake pedal down while starting the car.  Again, after turning off the ignition, you can remove the key only after putting the car in the parking gear.  The next three positions for the lever are for Reverse, Neutral, and Drive.  There are two more positions for manually enhancing power levels though I did not find any occasion for using them.  Thus once you have started the car and positioned it for driving ahead, you can just forget the gear lever till it is time to park and stop.  The best thing is that after you have put the car in Drive and taken your feet off the brake pedal the car starts rolling forward even if you don't push the accelerator.  Thus there is little chance of the car slipping backwards even if you are headed up a slope.  Another good feature is that in both the legs when you make a complete stop by taking your foot off the accelerator and pressing the brake and then when building up speed again by operating the accelerator the engine never dies down, not even once.  You will agree that this does happen once in a while in the manual transmission vehicles.

With the clutch pedal missing, your left foot is rendered idle.  If you are wondering why, just remember that there will be no occasion for you to operate the brake and accelerator pedals simultaneously!!  So the right foot operates both, one at a time.  With the clutch gone and no need to manipulate gears while driving, driving becomes ridiculously easy.  The only real difficult part is restraining yourself from using the horn.  While in India it is considered your duty to honk liberally and announce your presence to the not-so-sparsely populated world around you, for some strange reason it is considered very rude to do so in USA.

However the left-right reversal between India and USA takes lots of conscious self-training.  When you approach the car with the intention to drive it you have to remind yourself that the driver seat is on the "other side."  Once inside you have to be careful to use the right lever as the turn indicator and not the one that operates wipers.  Then when you are on the road it is fine as long as you are driving straight on the right (in both the senses) side of the road.  When it is time to take a turn, remind yourself aloud to move into the right side of the road.  People tell me that you do get into the wrong side at least once while learning.  I feel very bad to have to endorse that statement.  Fortunately it happened in a lane that was almost empty and I could retrieve the situation without any damage.

Having learnt to drive the car, the next step was to navigate the streets.  For a driver trained in India and having driven only in India, this was quite an experience.  I propose to share this experience with you in the next post.

But before I wind up I must add that there are a few ancillary learning points too.  For one, petrol is not petrol but gas!  And when you go to a gas station you must know how to operate the gas pump as also the air pump if you need to inflate your tyres.  There is no help around.  And in case you are wondering how to pay, the obvious answer is by using a credit card.

My first encounter with the DAME

In the return leg of our (my wife and me) recent journey from USA which is home to our grandsons and their parents, we decided to take a train from New Delhi to Lucknow.  The decision was naturally prompted by serious mismatch in baggage allowances on international and domestic flights.  The decision called for yet another decision that is how to reach New Delhi railway station from New Delhi airport.  Though taxi was the obvious choice, we deliberately chose to take the Delhi Airport Metro Express (DAME.)  The choice was prompted as much by consideration of a short transit time as the desire to experience the service.

DAME station at terminal 3 of the New Delhi International Airport is diagonally across the road as you exit from the arrival lounge.  You go in and take a lift to the floor below and exit to the other side. Of course you can take your luggage cart from the airport all the way up to this place where it has to be scanned by security personnel.  No help is available so be prepared to load your luggage on the scanner and to lift it off on the other side.  Carts are available on the other side.

Once you have cleared the security you walk forward towards the turnstiles.  The ticket counter is on the left.  Tickets from Terminal 3 to New Delhi railway station costs Rs.150/= per person.  You get a printed receipt and small round tokens, one per person.  The token is used for operating the turnstiles while entering and surrendered at the exit by placing it in a slot on the turnstile.  If you want help you have to say so at the counter and you will be issued another ticket for Rs.50/=.  They will call a person who will push the cart and load your luggage on the train.

Once on the platform you will find the rail tracks hidden behind a wall of a series of sliding gates.  When the train arrives, the gates on each compartment align with these gates and both open together to let you board / alight.  There are four racks, one on either side of the two opposite gates of the train compartment.  The compartments are clean and air-conditioned.  Though a lone pesky mosquito kept attacking me in particular.  The whole long compartment had less than half a dozen passengers so the space on the racks was quite adequate.

Though I didn't exactly time it, the train perhaps took around 20 minutes to reach the destination.  It stops at a few stations in between and the progress is shown on a map near the gates. Also there are announcements on a public address system as the train enters a station.  I recall the Hindi announcements as rather amusing as it will say , "यह स्टेशन है." with a sense of finality and then add the name of the station as an afterthought.

Carts and help are available at the other end too.  Only difference being that you engage the help first and pay for it later on the counter near the exit gate.

There are several exits from the DAME station.  You take the one opposite the Ajmeri gate side of the New Delhi railway station.  The station is just across the road.  If you can lug your own luggage there are no issues.  However if you need help your pleasant experience ends here for a session of hard bargain.

I must add that the metro like all local trains stops only for a short while, may be a minute or so.  So you have to be swift in boarding and alighting.  And so if you have lots of luggage, getting paid help is a must.

Pun Intended

Thank God, I am an aethist.

Life is so beautiful that everyone gets carried away in the end..

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine ..

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will?
(It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, You get repossessed


With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted -
Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping centre, You've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

(Received from a friend through an e-mail)

Vice or Virtue?

Here are some wisecracks from Mark Twain who seems to have been a compulsive smoker.  You may substitute another vice, sorry, habit for smoking and these should sound just as good.

"Cigarette smoking is the finest form of a perfect pleasure."

"Though it required tremendous willpower, I have finally overcome the temptation to quit smoking."

"Giving up smoking is very easy. I have done it hundreds of times."

"Just to set an example for others, not that I care for moderation myself, I have made rules not to smoke more than one cigarette at a time, never to smoke while asleep and never to refrain while awake."

Debt Repayment

The time for repayment of our debt to the motherland (DTM), is looming large on us.  After repaying the minor debts of house tax, water tax, VAT, Income tax and what have you, the time is at hand for repaying your biggest debt.  No, no; we are not talking of your housing loan or the recent car loan.  We are not even talking of the per capita debt in India which now stands at INR 33000.  It is the debt of duty towards the motherland.

There are several, with two very prominent ones, who find their debt burden so heavy that it can be repaid only at the august office of the Prime Minister and they are clashing bitterly to be at the head of the queue.  You can form an idea about the size of the debt from the fact that it takes at least five years to settle one account.  The settlement is often partial and extra time is demanded to complete the repayment in full.  Human life being short as it is, many large debtors aspiring to clear the dues have to contend with the fact that their lifelong wait in the queue may not bear fruit.

Lesser mortals with lower burdens of debt have been advised to repay it at their respective workplaces.  As the advise goes, the teachers owe it to their students and doctors to patients under their care.  However most of us are at our wits' end at the perverse nature of this repayment when we look at the dent that these services, namely, education and health make in our finances!

As far as I am concerned, I think I have repaid my debts at the workplace over a long period of 37 years and I hope the account is settled in full.  Though numerous Tax Deductions at Source seem to suggest otherwise.

As part of this repayment festival, geriatricians are welcome to repay their DTM through me.

Election Season Prayer

Our boss(es) in the High Command, blessed be the family name.
Thy government come, Thy will be done in future scams as in the past ones.
Give me this season the Lok Sabha ticket,
Make me a minister as you made even those who deserted you in the end.
Do not succumb to the pressure from Aam Aadmi but deliver us from the CBI.

Amen.

कुछ दोहे मच्छरों पर

जलता कछुआ देख कर दिया मास्क्विटो रोय
मैं बाहर हूँ टापता, मानुष अंदर सोय.

तुलसी पंछी के पिए घटे न सरिता नीर,
मच्छर से न अनीमिया पर डेंगू है गंभीर.

मच्छर रखो पास में कछुआ देव बुझाय
मेरी तो मंशा यही बस पूरी हो जाय.

चलता जो बिजली का रैकेट छुवत भस्म कर जाय,
मच्छर हुआ तो क्या हुआ मैं क्या प्राणी नांय?


मच्छरों के स्कूलों में प्रातःकालीन प्रार्थना:

  तू प्यार का सागर है, तेरी एक बूँद के प्यासे हम......

Does it make sense to invest in Pension Plans?

Ten long years ago I decided to invest in a pension plan.  The scheme I chose was from HDFC.  The investment was fixed at 10 yearly installments of Rs. 10,000/= each. However there was no assurance about any minimum payout and it was going to be dictated by the market.  Back-of-the-envelope calculations showed that taking the return at 10% p.a with yearly compounding the maturity value should be Rs. 1.75 lakhs (It would be higher with quarterly compounding.)  Also the pension on this corpus at the same rate should be 17,500/= per annum if the corpus was to be returned to legal heirs on death of the pension holder.  In case the annuitant chose for annuity without any return of corpus on his death, the return should be even higher.

All the calculations have fallen flat on the ground.  The total maturity value was Rs. 1.4 lakh approximately.  Here is what was offered to me by HDFC on maturity (PLEASE ZOOM TO 200%):

And lest you should forget, let me remind you that this annuity income is liable to be taxed in your hand.  This means a deduction of 10 to 30 percent depending on your other income.

To top it all, during the past few years I was being charged service tax on the annual premium paid by me.  Then again I have had to pay service tax on the amount being invested in annuities.  The tax on a investment in annuities of Rs. one lakh comes to Rs. 3,019.

I have chosen to invest the mandatory portion of annuity purchase with LICI who are offering a very slightly  higher annuity.  This could be possible under the Open Market Option which has to be compulsorily offered to the investor.

This raises serious doubts about the fate of the new employees being covered under "defined contribution" pension scheme which will work on these very lines.  Notwithstanding our government's dislike for it, investment in gold will be a far far superior option.  Real estate, too, will be a good or a better choice.

मोदी की दावेदारी

मोदीजी खम ठोंक कर हैं आ गए मैदान में,
मनमोहन कुर्सी पर अपनी बैठे हैं गहरे ध्यान में,
जो समझ में आई ना जनता को वह है बात यह,
क्यों देर हो रही है मोदी की अगुआई के ऐलान में.

DDS (Deep Distrust Syndrome)

Recently while in the check-out queue at a retail store I was watching a couple make payment for their purchases.  The lady took out a fresh packet of one hundred rupee notes and separated a bunch looking at the distinctive numbers.  Perhaps unsure of her arithmetic, she started counting the notes while the cashier and her husband looked on attentively.  Then she passed it on to, no, not the cashier but her husband.  He also counted the notes with the same thoroughness while the wife and the cashier looked on.  Next, of course, it was the cashier's turn to count the notes.  And the couple did focus their total attention at the cashier while he was at it.  And finally with the return of some change the payment was successfully completed and everyone in the queue heaved a sigh of relief.

I think this behavior is a symptom of the DDS (Deep Distrust Syndrome) pervading our society.  The distrust is towards organizations / institutions as well as individuals manning these.  The following also result from this DDS:

• If an accident takes place, the mob adopts a your-money-or-your-life attitude towards the driver  who may or may not be at fault.  No one believes that the system will make insurance company settle the claim of the victim.
• We don't trust our fellow citizens to honestly pay their electricity bills.  As it would be grossly unfair to have to share in the burden imposed by non-payers, we choose to join them by hook or by crook.
• We don't trust any selection process to be fair.  So everyone puts in his best efforts in influencing the process and the selectors.
• We don't trust the government to provide us good governance using the taxes collected from us.  So we try to evade paying taxes if we can.

The list could go on and on.

 

Any prescriptions for treating this DDS?

Quick comments on Budget 2013

• FMs seem to have lost all interest in senior citizens after Mr Pranab Mukherjee reduced the cut-off age from 65 to 60. This group is hardest hit by persistent inflation and screams for reducing interest rates. They deserve a higher exemption limit at the least, if not respect and gratitude for their services to the nation.

• FM says there is a bit of Azim Premji in every taxpayer. I am sure that recipients of Premji's charities do have a sense of gratitude towards him. The government hardly seems to have any towards its taxpayers.

• The pirates infesting the route along which allocations travel to intended beneficiaries must be celebrating increased allocations in the budget with great enthusiasm.

It is good to be myopic.

It was quite early in my life when I was diagnosed as myopic.  It all started when I found that my classmates could easily read things on the blackboard that I could not.  It culminated in my permanently acquiring a bespectacled look.  The only consolation was that this bespectacled look was often equated with being very studious.  But then a studious look never failed to draw the much dreaded attention of the bullies in the school.  And when that attention led to a scuffle, I had to pay more attention to defending my glasses rather than myself.

My vegetarian family got much worried over this development.  They decided to substantially enhance my quota of dairy products.  The increase was almost on the same scale as that in our legislators' salaries and perks.  Yet it failed to make any impact on the central issue of nearsightedness.  Though it impacted the central parts of my anatomy in a profound and inflationary manner.  The inflation continues unabated rendering the hope of any rate, sorry, weight cut futile.

People looking at my myopia as a handicap did at times make me feel miserable.  However with the advent of smartphones, this handicap has turned into a tremendous advantage.  Here is how.

Computing, entertainment, and communication have been converging together so a single device can offer all of these.  Simultaneously there is a trend towards miniaturization.  So desktops have become laptops, laptops have becomes netbooks and finally you have tablets that you can hold in one hand and use with the other.  Some of these tablets are phablets.  That merely means that they have the functionality of a phone too.  Now if your device, apart from being a computer, audio and video player, a camera, a radio, a clock et al, also has to be a phone, especially a mobile one, the weight and size do become important.  Lot of experimentation is going on here with all kinds of screen sizes varying from 2.8" to 10" being tried out.  I have gone for a device that is a little short of 5" mark, fits into my pocket, and may appropriately be called a mobile device.

With today's content heavy applications (apps) and screen sizes at around 5", only two categories of users can make fullest use of these gadgets.  These categories are very young and very myopic, pinch & zoom notwithstanding.  Myopics often pride themselves on being able to read even the fine print at the bottom of wristwatch dials.  (It is a different matter that while focusing on the fine print they sometimes miss the bold print much to their chagrin.)  This ability to read the fine print enables them to use these modern gadgets as much as youngsters with fine near and far sight.

A normal middle-aged person would need heavy reading glasses for the purpose.  There is a considerable risk of the pair of glasses sliding off your nose as you peer down at your phone.  The myopic, on the other hand, would just remove his glasses and use the gadget with the eyes of a new born.

Time to raise a toast to myopia.  And do keep this in mind before considering a laser correction to your eyesight.

एक मशहूर कव्वाली नए अंदाज़ में.

हमें तो लूट लिया स्कैम व घोटालों ने,

भ्रष्ट इस व्यवस्था ने, व्यवस्था चलाने वालों ने.

      यहाँ तो हर रोज एक ताज़ा घुटाला होता है,

      एक हिस्सा खजाने का रोज खोता है.

      फिर वो बढ़ाते हैं दाम और टैक्स भी मजबूरी में,

      वो बेखबर हैं क्या मिलता है हमें मजूरी में.

खुदा करे कि एक घोटाला हो विदेशी बैंकों में,

गायब हो जाएँ सब नम्बरी खाते और वो चिल्लाएं,

हमें तो लूट लिया स्विट्ज़रलैंड वालों ने,

इनके भ्रष्ट बैंकों ने और बैंकों के घोटालों ने!

My new Droid

I recently purchased a new mid-range Android phone for myself.  It is LG Optimus L-9, also code named P-765.  It has ICS (Ice Cream Sandwich) operating system, 1 GHz dual-core processor with 1 GB of RAM.  However don't be surprised if the Task Manager reports only 767 MB as the total of used and free RAM.  I checked with LG and they told that the balance is dedicated to GPU (Graphics Processing Unit.)  It has a decent 4.75 inch qHD screen and is available in black and white colors.  I went for the black one.  The internal storage is stated to be 4 GB of which 2.33 GB is available to the user for installing apps.  There is a slot for external memory card.  It can take up to 32GB.  The battery is a decent one with 2150 mAH rating.  It has a 5 MP camera and a VGA front camera.  The regular camera is capable of full HD video recording.  A FM radio is included.

The other phone that I had in mind was Samsung Galaxy Grand.  It has Jelly Bean OS, 8 MB of internal storage (4 available to user), and a 8 MP camera.  The screen is also a little bigger at 5".  However the battery has lower capacity and the display has a lower resolution.  Also it costs nearly Rs.4000/= more than L9.  But then you get a anti-glare screen and a flip case free with the phone.  These cost me an additional Rs.700/=.  An anti-glare screen is definitely recommended, especially for outdoor use.  I bought Scratchgard screen at an exorbitant price of Rs.350/=, but the results are good.  The Table-Talk flip cover that I purchased from e-Bay is okay.  The only problem is that it interferes with the proximity sensor.  The proximity sensor's job is to turn the display on when you move the phone away from your face (ears) and turn it off again if you take it close to your face.  Of course this happens during an active call only and you may take advantage of proximity sensor by folding back the flip cover instead of talking with the cover on.

Additionally you need to invest in a micro SD card.  I went for a 16 GB card instead of the maximum of 32 GB.  The cards are available in several classes - 4, 6 and 10.  The data transfer speed increases with the number of the class. A 10 GB card, I believe will provide good jitter-free HD videos.

I was baffled to note that all the apps download and install only on the internal memory.  As stated earlier you have 2.33 GB of internal memory.  LG told me that ICS and JB versions have this behavior and the external SD card cannot be used for installing applications.  Some Googling shows that it can be done but only after rooting the phone.  I don't want to do that; not during the warranty period.  But then luckily the camera application uses the card for storing photos and videos.  The card can also be used for storing your music and e-books.  A good app for reading e-books is "Cool Reader."  And of course don't forget to load the Adobe Reader for a large number of books are in PDF format.

For even more storage you can, of course, use Google Drive, Skydrive, Box etc.  The native file manager also allows you to add these as additional directories.  Google Drive offers the advantage of editing your files too if they are in the Google native formats.  It is like having full-fledged Office equivalent on your mobile.

The phone responds well to your touch commands.  It was on account of long response time that I had to upgrade to this phone.

One nice feature of ICS & JB is live wallpapers.  So you can have an aquarium or a plasma globe for a wallpaper to amuse you.  Task manager and battery optimizer come built in and there is no need for adding an app.  Google books, like Spotify and Netflix, is unfortunately not available in India.  Google music works fine on ICS, and then there are Saavn and Dhingana.

The camera is good in daylight but only average indoors.  The earphones are good for enjoying music.

Thus far it seems to be a good phone and I have configured it with my usual choice of apps from Google Play as well as LG Smartworld.

I am happy to note that LG has announced a JB upgrade for this phone during the first half of the current year.  Let us hope it comes about.

After having benefited from various reviews on the net, I thought I was morally obliged to share my own experience with the phone.  Hence this blog.

Vishwaroopam

I am thrilled by the movie.  It is probably the best Bollywood thriller thus far: Superbly directed and produced.  The war scenes at Afghanistan look real.  Though I must hasten to confess that I haven't witnessed any real war in my life.  Kamal Haasan and Rahul Bose have put in great performances.  And I thoroughly enjoyed the opening scene too where Vishwaroopam is teaching dancing to a group of girl students.

Recommended without any reservations.

A Mobile Population and Need for Internet Constituencies

All our governance systems are based on the idea of people being rooted to a place.  So address is an integral part of all documents issued by the government and bulk of government services have to be availed only at the place of domicile.  The most fundamental right of voting is also restricted to choosing from candidates from the constituency where your residence is located and can only be exercised at a designated polling booth near your residence.

This concept of rooted people may have been a workable idea in the yesteryears when most people were employed in agriculture or small businesses at their native place.  Today a large section of society has become mobile.  They relocate frequently in search of better prospects and it is a marathon task to obtain new documents from a government machinery that doesn't think in terms of customer service but only in terms of dispensing favors.

This mobility got a kind of formal recognition from the government when TRAI talked of MNP across circles.  So your mobile number remains unchanged even if you move to another state within the country.  RBI also acknowledged this when it mooted the idea of account number portability across banks and branches.

This increased mobility coupled with the difficulty of getting oneself registered with various government agencies at the new place, including those maintaining the electoral rolls, is a great impediment to democracy.  Many in the working class are not able to cast their vote precisely for this reason.  And then instead of blaming our systems we put the blame squarely on the working class.  The suits the political parties too because they can then afford to ignore the aspiration of this class.

Technology provides an easy solution to this.  Let there be Pan-India Internet Constituencies somewhat like the graduate constituency.  The number of such constituencies may be decided on the basis of number of people willing to register for it and vote through internet.  These people may identify themselves biometrically using their Aadhaar registration and cast their vote online.  An alternate way could be to vote through their registered e-mail id.  The e-mails may be processed by a software program which ensures secrecy.

If this suggestion is implemented a large number of working people who are currently not able to cast their vote will be able to and happy to do so.  This will make the democracy a true and inclusive democracy.

A Letter to Fellow Indians

My Dear Fellow Indians,

Our hearts must swell with pride and eyes with tears of gratitude and joy as we watch the ever growing numbers of those whose prime objective is to become the prime minister of the country, purportedly for  serving us better.  They come in great variety - big leaders with small parties, small leaders with big parties, small leaders with small parties, big leaders with big parties that are afraid of them, et al.  Oh dear leaders, you have such big ambitions!  Well to serve the country better with!

We, the working people, know well enough what happens when you get a job that you are not equal to. Your health suffers, your family suffers, and you take to the job portals vehemently looking for a change. Most of our beloved leaders know well enough, or we so hope, that the job is much too demanding and not exactly a bed of roses. Of course, all this holds only if you intend to perform. They do know pretty well that they will be stepping into shoes so big that their eyes may be below lace level and their nose close to that stench left behind by the previous wearers / occupiers.  And yet, all this knowledge only seems to add fuel to their determination.

There is another variety who are so much afraid of this stench that they would forever keep away from this race and only look for someone else who can better put up with it and clean it up rather than add to the grime.  Dear old chap, if you wish to clean it, you have to step into it, with a broom like the one that Gandhi wielded when cleaning the community toilets.  Keep it up, dear angry young man, AAP sahi raaste par hain.

At times, I too feel tempted to jump into the fray.  After all, what would the nation, or at least my grandsons, say when they find out that I kept watching from the sidelines when the country needed me most!  

What say you?

Yours etc.

A.K. Upadhyaya

(Mee too)

Happy New Year 2013

I am not sure how many of us were convinced that humankind together with all life forms on this earth will not have the pleasure of witnessing the dawn of 2013.  An educated guess could be made by analyzing financial data with the banks on patterns of individual spending and saving.  The extent of shift during 2012 from the normal pattern will provide the clue.  If you find a distinct decrease in savings coupled with increased spending and borrowing (like there would be no tomorrow :), you could conclude that some amongst us did subscribe to the Mayan prophecy.  You may protest by quoting the fact that governments across the world have been progressively saving less and spending profligately for decades but that was not because they foresaw the end of the world.  On the contrary they are quite confident that they can keep at it forever.  May be we can refer the matter to a dozen of economists to get at least 13 opinions.  We have some prominent ones in our own government.

Though it hardly matters now what you and I or they and he thought of 2013.  It is already here, the thirteenth year of the twenty-first century.  So while the century turned marriageable some time back, some people may think that the current year is not auspicious!  But, auspicious or not, it certainly is quite an odd one.  Though 2 and 20 are even, 13 is odd, as are 1 and 3.  2013 in binary, octal and hex is 11111011101 (five 1s and 0, three 1s and 0, and one 1), 3735, and 7DD respectively.  And if you are not sure whether 7DD is even or odd, just note that it visually rhymes with ODD.

But then odd or even, it's good that the year did begin. And though the year is odd, it has got a fix; For the digits all add up to a six.  And six, numerologically, is a good mix.  Look at what a numerologist has to say:

 " The most important influence of the 6 is its loving and caring nature. Properly nicknamed the motherhood number, it is all about sacrificing, caring, healing, protecting and teaching others. No family or community can function without the power of the 6 to keep them together and safe. She is the glue that keeps a family or community together."

And so in this benign year 2013, here is a set of good wishes for you:

1. May this year be as lucky for you as number 13 has been for AB Bajpai.
2. May you go to the KBC hot seat and correctly answer question number 13.
3. May all your income be EEE.
4. May your savings exceed the Indian Public's saving rate even as you spend like our governments.
5. May your fortunes grow faster than those of Vadra, Mulayam and Mayawati.
6. May your income grow at the same rate as the price of Gas from Krishna-Godavari Basin.
7. May you be healthy like Baba Ramdeo, upright like Anna Hazare, and perseverant like Arvind Kejariwal.
8. May you have a spokesperson like Digvijaya Singh.
9. May people from all quarters support you like Mulayam and Maya.
10. May good luck stick to you like a neta to the chair.
11. May you see a Lokpal at the Centre.
12. May all black money come back to India.
13. May police, judiciary, and electoral reforms take place.

Well, if you find that last wish a little odd, don't jump to conclusions as 2013 is not a leap year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!