अबकी बार किसकी सरकार?

आम आदमी है लाचार, चाहे जिसकी हो सरकार।
सिस्टम न बदलेगा यार, चाहे जिसकी हो सरकार।
अम्बानी पर न अत्याचार, चाहे जिसकी हो सरकार।
सांड़ सरकारी रहे डकार, चाहे जिसकी हो सरकार|
चलो इन्हें भी अजमा लो, जिनका तुमको चढ़ा बुखार|

तो फिर, अबकी बार किसकी सरकार?

Levitation And Going Around In Circles!

Levitation has always fascinated mankind notwithstanding the problems that levitating astronauts face.  We often think, mistakenly, that gravity must be absent for us to levitate.  This is only partly true.  If you have experienced the rides in amusement parks that drop from a height equal to twenty or thirty storeys and the brake is applied sharply and just in time to stop it from hitting the ground, you have experienced weightlessness or levitation in the presence of gravity.  Similarly astronauts in spaceships that are orbiting the earth also feel weightlessness, but it is not because of lack of gravity.  If gravity were not there or were negligible, the spaceship will escape into space and not orbit: gravitation provides the centripetal force required for orbiting and is very much there.

So you need not go into deep space, far away from celestial bodies, to experience weightlessness.  You can very well levitate in the presence of gravity.  Only you have to yield to the gravitational force.  Either you fall freely or you revolve around the earth at the appropriate speed.  In both the cases the gravitational force is not annulled by an equal and opposing force of reaction but used up in accelerating you, linearly in the first case, and centripetally in the second.  It must be added that in the first case you run the risk of getting shattered if you cannot stop just in time using a parachute or the brake on the ride.  In the second case you must avoid bumping into the debris floating in the space.

This is to say that the gravitational force (GF) that we feel is, in fact, the compression because of the GF AND an equal and opposite force of reaction applied by the surface on which we are standing or sitting or lying.  When this force of reaction is missing, we are as good as levitating.

Taking a cue from physics that we discussed above, what should one do freely levitate, if not physically, emotionally and spiritually?  The answer is clear enough:  yield to whatever force is exerted on you: let there be no compressing reaction.

And while you enjoy the levitation, think hard about how to avoid that final thump if movement and acceleration are aligned or the accidental bump in case they are at right angles.  If levitating physically, you may also have to give a thought to how to hold your drink, or dispose of your bodily wastes.  It will also require thought to figure who is above and who is below -  if that still has a meaning for you.

But it must be obvious by now that orbiting around the earth is definitely a much better option for levitation than a free fall (towards it.)  Could this be the reason that most leaders and politicians keep going in circles and at the end of each five year cycle the followers find themselves precisely where they were?

गठबंधन और जनता

गठबंधन के दौर में सबसे मिलिए धाय
न जाने किस ओर से ऐलाई मिल जाय।

न्यूनतम प्रोग्राम है करना है कुछ नाँय,
अधिकतम है लूटना मिल-जुल कर के खाँय|

दुहने को अब क्या बचा आओ करें विचार,
क्यों न हम सब बेच दें आसमान इस बार।

भोली जनता चाहती परिवर्तन हर बार,
चट्टे थैली एक के, न समझे नर-नार।

हिन्दुस्तानी गैस के दाम विदेशी पाय,

चाहे जिसकी विजय हो अम्बानी हर्षाय|

जीवन यापन के लिए है कुछ करना यार,

BPL का कार्ड ही बनवा लें इस बार।

Bhojpuri - the language

This brilliant piece was received long ago. I don't know who the author is. But as a native Bhojpuri speaker I owe the author a debt of gratitude. The write up is titled "Le balaiya! Ee kaa hua!".  It is being reproduced with a big "Dhanya Ho" to the author. Here goes:

Kahe albalaye huye hain? Etna narbhasane se kuchchho nahin hoga (Omigosh, what's this? Why are you so flustered? Such nervousness won't help matters.) The inveterate linguist may scream at such an apparent contamination of Hindi language but the average Bihari simply loves to throw all narrow parameters of grammar to the winds. For them, the funnier they are, the better their adaptability is into their inimitable lingua franca. Over the years, Biharis have invented a language, which has an unmistakable stamp of their own. In recent times, its popularity has travelled far and wide beyond the borders of the State and many screen heroes,including Amitabh Bachchan, have mouthed Bihari liches with characteristic elan -a far cry from the days when it was thought to be an infra dig of sorts for anybody other than country bumpkins and unscrupulous politicians to perpetrate such "verbal atrocities". All that, however, is passe now. Bihari Boli is sweeter than honey now not only in Bollywood but also on the campuses of prestigious universities and IITs across the country. Words like harbaraye, garbaraye, bargalaye, thartharaye and dhanmanaye which would have sounded Greek to outsiders earlier are being used with gay abandon by the hep youngsters there. Sobriquets laced with double entendres like "garda", bawaal and dhuan denoting the varying degree of a girl's beauty and sex appeal can be heard not only in Patna University colleges but also faraway Fergusson College in Pune. Moreover, a-go, dugo, teengo and chaartho type of numerology which was a matter of disdain not long ago is being accepted even by the stiff upper-lips without any qualms. So, notes sarka do (pass on the notes)","batti buta do (put out the lights)", Principal ko harka do (bamboozle the principal),burbak kahin ka (you stupid fellow!), hum to biga gaye(I was thrown out) and Hum to huan thebe kiye the (I was very much there) are some of the expressions which have conveniently made their way into the otherwise prim-and-propah St Stephens, New Delhi. Similarly, coinages like dhakiyaye (shoved), mukiyaye (punched), and latiyaye (kicked) are the current rage. Hiyan (here), huan (there), kahe (why), enne (this way) and onne (that way) are some of other typical words, which are spoken rather nonchalantly by so-called educated lot in the State. One, therefore, does not get surprised if one hears tanikke for little, nimman for good, anhar for darkness and ejot for lights. For them,  language need not be tied to any narrow rules. E topicwa par maatha khapane se kuchchho nahi hoga(nothing is to come out of this topic), as one wit commented. Among many characteristics of this language are its terms of endearment. Seldom does one hear people on the streets calling each other by their real names. Raju automatically becomes Rajua, Pappu turns into Pappua,Rajesh into Rajeshwa and Shatrughna at best Satrohna. This potpourri of all Bihari dialects has also coined new terms for human anatomy which would baffle an FRCP if he were to land here straight from Edinburgh. Here gor means legs, moori is substitute to head, ongree is equivalent to finger, thor denotes lips and kapar is synonymous with forehead. This language also has more onomatopoeic words than probably any other. Words like tapak se, gapak se, and japak se can be understood by listening to their phonetical sounds. No longer is Bihari language associated with a few howlers like eskool (school)", teeshan (station) and singal (signal) only. There are certain words which carry the precise meaning but which cannot be properly substituted by any word in other languages.Machchar bhambhor liya is probably is one such example. Bhambhorna is a super word, which means the collective assault of mosquitoes to "bhambhor" you. but then, one might argue, where else do you find so many mosquitoes to bhambhor you. Right from Laloo Prasad Yadav, who emerges as the best speaker of his ghar ki boli to Shekhar Suman, everybody loves to flaunt his native command.

कुछ और दोहे

जनता को लड़वाय कर वोट दो उनका बाँट,
जनता कभी न समझेगी हमरी सांठम गाँठ।

चुनाव में दौरा सब करें, बाद में करे न कोय,
बाद में तो समझ लो बस मजा ही मजा होय।

जो हमको जितवा दिया किया अपना सत्यानाश,
अगले पांचो साल तक हमसे रखो न आस।

डरे जो भ्रष्टाचार से ख़ाक वह नेता होय,
जो कुछ दिखे समेट ले भनक लगे न कोय।

साईं इतना लूटिये यहीं हजम हो जाय,
रखने स्विट्ज़रलैंड में बार-बार को जाय।

लोकपाल बनवा सको तुम में क्या सामर्थ्य,
झूठ-मूठ चिल्ला रहे जोकपाल है व्यर्थ।

रेप किया तो क्या हुआ रहे गला क्यों फाड़
अपने लौंडों ने किया हैं वो छुट्टे सांड़।

फाँसी महिला को मिले, लौंडों का क्या दोष,
यही हमारी मांग है यही हमारी सोच।

सोचो तुम सरकार में जो आया कोई और,
फांसी पर तुम चढ़ोगे ना चले हमारा जोर।

बहनों समझ लो बात को सोच के डालो वोट,
मार गिराओ उन्हें तुम जिनके मन में खोट।

People or chunks of map?

In a local body election, the candidate must be from the locality under the jurisdiction of the body.  It also stands to reason to have multiple representatives from small portions of area under jurisdiction.  It helps people in each smaller area to hold the Councillors responsible for specific problems of that area.

However there is little reason for replicating the same logic in elections to state assemblies and the parliament.  It is NOT the job of MLAs and MPs to look after the basic amenities in a particular area.  Then why must we map each member to a small chunk of the map of the state or the country?  Each area does get represented through its residents who exercise their franchise.

It is because of this mistaken notion of representation of chunks of map rather than people that even well meaning parties are forced into fielding people with dubious reputation in each area.  The simple reason being that they feel that he can garner the votes somehow or the other.  And it is for this reason that all parties stand solidly together when it comes to enacting a law to prevent such people from contesting elections.

All this can be easily avoided.  The parties can be rid of all criminals, entry barriers in politics substantially lowered, confusing local issues for state level and country level issues prevented, and most in-person campaigning done away with.  Here are my suggestions for the purpose.

• Let the state be one constituency in case of assembly elections and the country one constituency in case of elections to the parliament.  However total number of people that will man the legislature can be kept at a reasonable number to encourage and facilitate debates.  It should be neither too large nor too small.
• It follows that there will be no individual contestants.  Parties will be contestants.  Each party declares what performance it promises against each subject entrusted to it by the constitution.  Established parties also mention what they did in the government or the opposition for fulfilling their promised commitments last time.
• The total number of seats in the legislature are allotted to parties on the basis of the percentage of votes received by them.  
• In view of the deep fragmentation in the Indian polity, we may also consider not allotting any seats to parties getting less than 5% of the popular vote.  These left-out seats may be divided amongst the remaining parties in the ratio of votes garnered by them.  In fact the process can be repeated by further raising the limit for eliminations till one party comes out with 50% share.  This will avoid any need for re-election and, hopefully, teach the voters not to get too fragmented.  Also such eliminated parties could be stopped from contesting the next election too.

The parties should then be free to choose the requisite number of legislators either from their cadre or from qualified management professionals or a combination of both.  There must be a rigorous background check for such people by CVC or Lokpal and only those who clear the check will be eligible for appointment.

This model is very likely to be found appalling - no, I did not say appealing - by the entrenched politicians for its simplicity that does away with all the cobweb that they have so painstakingly spun.  Can a party like AAP try and force this on the existing order?

कुछ बॉसी दोहे

बॉस-बॉस रटते रहो जो चाहो कल्याण,
बने हुए तुम फिर रहे उसी बदौलत सांड़।

ऐसी बानी बोलिए चमचागिरी डुबोय,
बॉस को शीतल करे भला आप का होय।

बॉस चरण में बैठ कर दिया अधिकारी रोय,
जब तक तुम न कहोगे ट्रान्सफर कैसे होय।

खुश रक्खो तुम बॉस को काम करो न धाम,
काम किये कुछ न मिले होत सुबह से शाम।

भाई संगत बॉस की होत सुगंध-सुवास,
अगर नहीं भी कुछ मिले तो भी खासम-ख़ास।

ज्ञान-कर्म को छोड़ दे बॉस की भक्ति साध,
सेवा काल में प्रगति जो तू चाहे निर्बाध।

बॉस-बॉस रटते रहो जब तक सेवाकाल,
तेरी विनती को भला कब तक सके वो टाल।

I want to vote through my mobile

It is a shame that even in this age of technology one must present himself at a particular location for casting his vote.  There are many who have to forgo their right to vote because they cannot do so.  These include our defense personnel and also those who man the polling booths.  The provision of postal ballot mostly remains on paper as a clause in some rule.  Then there are a large number of Indians who are in transferable jobs, posted at far away places, and have not taken the pains of having themselves enrolled in the local voters' list.  They would like to choose from candidates in their domicile only.  In fact it is this reason and not any excessive lethargy that keeps large number of middle class people from voting.

And yet the solution is pretty simple.  When capturing data for voter-id and voters' list capture a single piece of additional data - voter's mobile number.  If so desired a cross check can be made with the service provider to make sure that it is in the name of the voter only.  And now let the poor chap vote for his favorite candidate just as they do for participants in reality shows.  He could be anywhere in the world and yet exercise his franchise.

An objection that could be raised is that of secrecy.  It should be easy to handle this too through technology.  Let the servers receiving the data be programmed to separate out the vote from the mobile number soon after receipt. The vote is to be used for counting while the mobile number list is to be used to eliminate voting more than once.

I am confident that technology can be put in place to take care of surge in data traffic on the election day.  And once this is done we may be seeing a voter turnout close to cent percent.

Also think of the savings that can be made on setting up booth and arranging security.  And the term booth capturing will be lost to future generations.  For you cannot capture something that doesn't exist!

Performance appraisal of our representatives

A week or so ago I read a news item about Nilekani campaigning in Bangalore and raising issues of congested roads, poor garbage disposal facilities and pollution etcetera in Bangalore.  The newspaper rightly wondered whether Nilekani was contesting the Municipal Corporation election or the Loksabha election.  And I had seen candidates in the last L(ucknow)MC elections talking about how their party alone could help the country out of the current mess.  This shows that our politicians are not really serious about the deliverables part of their job and they think that there is just a single deliverable, namely, glib talk!  And voters fall for it because all elections look so much alike that they tend to forget the difference.

I suggest that for each election a list of deliverables as mandated by our constitution be provided to each candidate and party and their promises sought against each.  Naturally the list will be different for local bodies, state assemblies and the parliament.  This will standardize manifesto format and make comparison easy.  It will also eliminate any opportunity to talk on extraneous subjects.

In fact the format, essentially a list of KPAs (Key Performance Areas), can also be used for performance appraisal before the next elections.  Though, some additional information may be needed too, for example:

• Attendance record in the legislative body,
• Number of minutes contributed to a civilized debate in the legislative body,
• Total number of instances of rowdy behavior,
• Total number of times the legislator moved into the well of the house,
• Damage caused to furniture and fittings in the legislative assembly,
• Total cost to local area / state / country that should include not only salary and allowances but also all entitlements, cost of travel and reimbursements of all kinds.
• A case flow statement showing number of court cases at the start of term, cases added and closed during the term, and the closing balance.

The list is illustrative only and can grow as parameters are added by the electorate.  The legislative body must maintain a detailed record on all of these parameters for all its members and make the same available to the electorate well within time before next elections.

You agree, don't you?