Driving in the orient versus driving in the occident.

It is only after you have driven on the roads of an alien land that you realize the comaradarie, bonhomie, huge flexibility, complete trust in fellow drivers and willingness to occasionally forgive them for breach of that trust and many other heartwarming traits that mark the driving experience in most places in India.  And this is very unlike driving on the roads of the alien occident.

I am sure that the rule-book in India must be as thick a volume as elsewhere.  I would be happy if someone who has ever seen and read it could confirm this.  However when it comes to practice our genius has reduced the whole thing to just one simple rule: Try and get to the destination by all means and as far as possible, and no farther, avoid bumping into things, people and animals.  This translates into a traffic that is far from linear and unidirectional.  Traffic flows in all possible directions.  But then everyone is expecting it to be so and so carefully scanning the three dimensional space around him and also continuously announcing his own presence through powerful horns.  The horn of course is only a general caution and specific cautions are issued verbally by calling names and inquiring about deafness and blindness levels of those around you. Occasional threats of violence to the offender's own person or his / her female relatives are not uncommon either.  All this mutual cooperation and reinforcement allows the multidirectional traffic to go through with fewer accidents than our brethren in the occident might think.

Also unlike the occident, the roads here are shared by cattle, pedestrians (footpaths are for shopkeepers and other sundry vendors), vending carts, push carts, bullock carts, rickshaws with protruding iron bars, wooden planks etc.  The totally relaxed way  in which they use the road and the sudden Brownian motions in which they engage clearly bring out their total faith in the driving skills of automobile drivers as also their trust in the non-homicidal instincts of the drivers.  Jaywalking is an unknown term here and the concept is loathed as opposed to socialism.  Everyone has a right to use the road - a common asset - irrespective of whether or not he owns an automobile!  The motorists honor the sentiments and reciprocate by displaying similar trust in the agility and resourcefulness of pedestrians when driving in parking lots and similar places.

A term which has very different interpretations here and in the occident is the right of way.  The right of way in the occident is strictly rule-based and without regard to the size or speed of the vehicle or abusive powers of the driver.  In the virile east, might is right.  So a driver with the most glaring eyes or more powerful / expensive car or the one with greatest dare or with the flag of the most powerful political party has the right of way.  In the cramped spaces between larger automobiles the cyclists, scooterists and motorcyclists have the right of way as long as they can scrape through.

The ethos and the philosophy described above naturally imply a total disregard for signals and similar trappings.  Though the signals may be reluctantly and grudging acknowledged if reinforced with the presence of traffic cops.  Of course even this applies only to lesser mortals and not to those who are acknowledged as VIPs.  In my part of the country if you were to stop at a red signal, with no cop around or only a disinterested one manning it, you are quite likely to be honked and yelled at.  If you persist you will face fiery glares from those forced to overtake you because of your obstinacy.

This is not to say that the authorities are taking it all lying down.  They are trying to hammer in some sense by constructing dividers and better roads etc.  However the ingenuity displayed by public at large is a more than adequate match for such gimmicks.  You may read about it here: Bipolar Magnetic Law of the Road.

So what happens when you attempt to drive in the occident after having been conditioned by the ethos and the philosophy described above?  Well that deserves, in the least, a new write-up.

The Bipolar Magnetic Law of the Road (BiMLaR)

Have you lately driven around on highways and city roads in UP?  If you have, you must have been either wonder struck or struck by terror depending on how adventurous you are.  Yes, driving on the roads here is not a drab exercise in following traffic rules and reaching your destination feeling bored to death.  It is a far more colorful and adventurous exercise of braving the unknown; interpreting the numerous rule-sets laid down by each driver and pedestrian, sometimes at the spur of the moment; savoring the frequent thrilling and threatening attempts at door-rubbing / bumper kissing closeness et al.

Authorities who have a penchant for rules, do make attempts at reducing the chaos only to be defeated at the hands of ingenuity of the enterprising denizens.  Quite sometime back the authorities decided to erect dividers on the highways and even major roads in the city in the fond hope of separating the up and down streams of traffic.  The openings in the divider have been minimized or eliminated altogether.  This is supposed to reduce the interruptions arising from right or U turns every 100 meters or so. But the authorities failed to correctly estimate public's penchant for taking the shortest path, their ingenuity, and their love for freedom from rules.

So what does the public do? Suppose you are at point A and aligned with the slavish rule bound traffic. The destination, B, is behind you. The mindlessly framed rules require you to go down the road till you can take an U turn and then drive back to a point opposite A and further down to B, the destination. Now why should you do this and waste your precious time and fuel? Do I hear you asking what should you do? Simple. Just take an U turn right where you are and drive up to point B!  When in UP do as the UPians do.

On second thoughts this may not be a total disregard for the rules but rather a quest for more fundamental laws.  Looked at this way, this UPian way of saving time and fuel is probably based on a theory which holds that irrespective of divisions and sub-divisions a road never loses its two-way character. It is like a magnet where both north and south poles must be present. You can not separate the two poles merely by cutting a single bar magnet into two. What you get instead is two magnets each with its own pair of north and south poles. So I propose that this view taken by the enlightened local drivers be termed the Bipolar Magnetic Law of the Road (BiMLaR.)

Thus in the example above BiMLaR would require that when you are driving in what the rules call the wrong direction in a one-way lane, make sure that you keep to the left. One does make exceptions and there is little harm in following this old, well-established simple rule. Now the newbies who are yet to be initiated in BiMLaR may shout that you are moving against traffic and that too in the fast lane. Just ignore them or if they turn too annoying give them your nastiest look and step on the gas threateningly.

It is a pity that BiMLaR can be applied only to the two halves created by the divider. One would love to extend it to each of the lanes on the either side, but unfortunately they don't make the lanes wide enough for that.

So all those who have not studied magnetism or have studied the silly traffic rules too hard, be warned. You either take cognizance of BiMLaR or perish.

Those who would like to study BiMLaR in all its magnificence will be well advised to drive on the newly constructed beautiful six lane Lucknow-Gorakhpur highway. Though you will find it practiced everywhere on city roads too.

Wish you a happy and rule-free driving.