Driving in the orient versus driving in the occident.

It is only after you have driven on the roads of an alien land that you realize the comaradarie, bonhomie, huge flexibility, complete trust in fellow drivers and willingness to occasionally forgive them for breach of that trust and many other heartwarming traits that mark the driving experience in most places in India.  And this is very unlike driving on the roads of the alien occident.

I am sure that the rule-book in India must be as thick a volume as elsewhere.  I would be happy if someone who has ever seen and read it could confirm this.  However when it comes to practice our genius has reduced the whole thing to just one simple rule: Try and get to the destination by all means and as far as possible, and no farther, avoid bumping into things, people and animals.  This translates into a traffic that is far from linear and unidirectional.  Traffic flows in all possible directions.  But then everyone is expecting it to be so and so carefully scanning the three dimensional space around him and also continuously announcing his own presence through powerful horns.  The horn of course is only a general caution and specific cautions are issued verbally by calling names and inquiring about deafness and blindness levels of those around you. Occasional threats of violence to the offender's own person or his / her female relatives are not uncommon either.  All this mutual cooperation and reinforcement allows the multidirectional traffic to go through with fewer accidents than our brethren in the occident might think.

Also unlike the occident, the roads here are shared by cattle, pedestrians (footpaths are for shopkeepers and other sundry vendors), vending carts, push carts, bullock carts, rickshaws with protruding iron bars, wooden planks etc.  The totally relaxed way  in which they use the road and the sudden Brownian motions in which they engage clearly bring out their total faith in the driving skills of automobile drivers as also their trust in the non-homicidal instincts of the drivers.  Jaywalking is an unknown term here and the concept is loathed as opposed to socialism.  Everyone has a right to use the road - a common asset - irrespective of whether or not he owns an automobile!  The motorists honor the sentiments and reciprocate by displaying similar trust in the agility and resourcefulness of pedestrians when driving in parking lots and similar places.

A term which has very different interpretations here and in the occident is the right of way.  The right of way in the occident is strictly rule-based and without regard to the size or speed of the vehicle or abusive powers of the driver.  In the virile east, might is right.  So a driver with the most glaring eyes or more powerful / expensive car or the one with greatest dare or with the flag of the most powerful political party has the right of way.  In the cramped spaces between larger automobiles the cyclists, scooterists and motorcyclists have the right of way as long as they can scrape through.

The ethos and the philosophy described above naturally imply a total disregard for signals and similar trappings.  Though the signals may be reluctantly and grudging acknowledged if reinforced with the presence of traffic cops.  Of course even this applies only to lesser mortals and not to those who are acknowledged as VIPs.  In my part of the country if you were to stop at a red signal, with no cop around or only a disinterested one manning it, you are quite likely to be honked and yelled at.  If you persist you will face fiery glares from those forced to overtake you because of your obstinacy.

This is not to say that the authorities are taking it all lying down.  They are trying to hammer in some sense by constructing dividers and better roads etc.  However the ingenuity displayed by public at large is a more than adequate match for such gimmicks.  You may read about it here: Bipolar Magnetic Law of the Road.

So what happens when you attempt to drive in the occident after having been conditioned by the ethos and the philosophy described above?  Well that deserves, in the least, a new write-up.

Driving an automatic transmission car in the USA

Thus far on my visits to my son in USA I always used to be a passenger in his or my daughter-in-law's car, taking in the sights and having a chit-chat with my elder grandson.  This time it was different.  My son had a car to spare.  He had read the manual from Government of California that said that a visitor could drive there if he had a valid license from his own country.  So he insisted that I should be a little adventurous and venture out on the roads and into the shops with his mom.

In India I had upgraded myself from a 4-gear drive to 5-gear drive.  However here the first step was to familiarize myself with a gearless car, automatic transmission as it is called.  Of course a gear shift lever is very much there, what is truly missing is the clutch pedal!  The gear lever moves along one dimension only in an arc like manner, with Parking gear at the top.  Points that came across as important are like this.  You can start the engine only if the car is in the parking gear:  You also have to hold the brake pedal down while starting the car.  Again, after turning off the ignition, you can remove the key only after putting the car in the parking gear.  The next three positions for the lever are for Reverse, Neutral, and Drive.  There are two more positions for manually enhancing power levels though I did not find any occasion for using them.  Thus once you have started the car and positioned it for driving ahead, you can just forget the gear lever till it is time to park and stop.  The best thing is that after you have put the car in Drive and taken your feet off the brake pedal the car starts rolling forward even if you don't push the accelerator.  Thus there is little chance of the car slipping backwards even if you are headed up a slope.  Another good feature is that in both the legs when you make a complete stop by taking your foot off the accelerator and pressing the brake and then when building up speed again by operating the accelerator the engine never dies down, not even once.  You will agree that this does happen once in a while in the manual transmission vehicles.

With the clutch pedal missing, your left foot is rendered idle.  If you are wondering why, just remember that there will be no occasion for you to operate the brake and accelerator pedals simultaneously!!  So the right foot operates both, one at a time.  With the clutch gone and no need to manipulate gears while driving, driving becomes ridiculously easy.  The only real difficult part is restraining yourself from using the horn.  While in India it is considered your duty to honk liberally and announce your presence to the not-so-sparsely populated world around you, for some strange reason it is considered very rude to do so in USA.

However the left-right reversal between India and USA takes lots of conscious self-training.  When you approach the car with the intention to drive it you have to remind yourself that the driver seat is on the "other side."  Once inside you have to be careful to use the right lever as the turn indicator and not the one that operates wipers.  Then when you are on the road it is fine as long as you are driving straight on the right (in both the senses) side of the road.  When it is time to take a turn, remind yourself aloud to move into the right side of the road.  People tell me that you do get into the wrong side at least once while learning.  I feel very bad to have to endorse that statement.  Fortunately it happened in a lane that was almost empty and I could retrieve the situation without any damage.

Having learnt to drive the car, the next step was to navigate the streets.  For a driver trained in India and having driven only in India, this was quite an experience.  I propose to share this experience with you in the next post.

But before I wind up I must add that there are a few ancillary learning points too.  For one, petrol is not petrol but gas!  And when you go to a gas station you must know how to operate the gas pump as also the air pump if you need to inflate your tyres.  There is no help around.  And in case you are wondering how to pay, the obvious answer is by using a credit card.

My first encounter with the DAME

In the return leg of our (my wife and me) recent journey from USA which is home to our grandsons and their parents, we decided to take a train from New Delhi to Lucknow.  The decision was naturally prompted by serious mismatch in baggage allowances on international and domestic flights.  The decision called for yet another decision that is how to reach New Delhi railway station from New Delhi airport.  Though taxi was the obvious choice, we deliberately chose to take the Delhi Airport Metro Express (DAME.)  The choice was prompted as much by consideration of a short transit time as the desire to experience the service.

DAME station at terminal 3 of the New Delhi International Airport is diagonally across the road as you exit from the arrival lounge.  You go in and take a lift to the floor below and exit to the other side. Of course you can take your luggage cart from the airport all the way up to this place where it has to be scanned by security personnel.  No help is available so be prepared to load your luggage on the scanner and to lift it off on the other side.  Carts are available on the other side.

Once you have cleared the security you walk forward towards the turnstiles.  The ticket counter is on the left.  Tickets from Terminal 3 to New Delhi railway station costs Rs.150/= per person.  You get a printed receipt and small round tokens, one per person.  The token is used for operating the turnstiles while entering and surrendered at the exit by placing it in a slot on the turnstile.  If you want help you have to say so at the counter and you will be issued another ticket for Rs.50/=.  They will call a person who will push the cart and load your luggage on the train.

Once on the platform you will find the rail tracks hidden behind a wall of a series of sliding gates.  When the train arrives, the gates on each compartment align with these gates and both open together to let you board / alight.  There are four racks, one on either side of the two opposite gates of the train compartment.  The compartments are clean and air-conditioned.  Though a lone pesky mosquito kept attacking me in particular.  The whole long compartment had less than half a dozen passengers so the space on the racks was quite adequate.

Though I didn't exactly time it, the train perhaps took around 20 minutes to reach the destination.  It stops at a few stations in between and the progress is shown on a map near the gates. Also there are announcements on a public address system as the train enters a station.  I recall the Hindi announcements as rather amusing as it will say , "यह स्टेशन है." with a sense of finality and then add the name of the station as an afterthought.

Carts and help are available at the other end too.  Only difference being that you engage the help first and pay for it later on the counter near the exit gate.

There are several exits from the DAME station.  You take the one opposite the Ajmeri gate side of the New Delhi railway station.  The station is just across the road.  If you can lug your own luggage there are no issues.  However if you need help your pleasant experience ends here for a session of hard bargain.

I must add that the metro like all local trains stops only for a short while, may be a minute or so.  So you have to be swift in boarding and alighting.  And so if you have lots of luggage, getting paid help is a must.

Pun Intended

Thank God, I am an aethist.

Life is so beautiful that everyone gets carried away in the end..

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine ..

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will?
(It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, You get repossessed


With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted -
Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping centre, You've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

(Received from a friend through an e-mail)

Vice or Virtue?

Here are some wisecracks from Mark Twain who seems to have been a compulsive smoker.  You may substitute another vice, sorry, habit for smoking and these should sound just as good.

"Cigarette smoking is the finest form of a perfect pleasure."

"Though it required tremendous willpower, I have finally overcome the temptation to quit smoking."

"Giving up smoking is very easy. I have done it hundreds of times."

"Just to set an example for others, not that I care for moderation myself, I have made rules not to smoke more than one cigarette at a time, never to smoke while asleep and never to refrain while awake."

Debt Repayment

The time for repayment of our debt to the motherland (DTM), is looming large on us.  After repaying the minor debts of house tax, water tax, VAT, Income tax and what have you, the time is at hand for repaying your biggest debt.  No, no; we are not talking of your housing loan or the recent car loan.  We are not even talking of the per capita debt in India which now stands at INR 33000.  It is the debt of duty towards the motherland.

There are several, with two very prominent ones, who find their debt burden so heavy that it can be repaid only at the august office of the Prime Minister and they are clashing bitterly to be at the head of the queue.  You can form an idea about the size of the debt from the fact that it takes at least five years to settle one account.  The settlement is often partial and extra time is demanded to complete the repayment in full.  Human life being short as it is, many large debtors aspiring to clear the dues have to contend with the fact that their lifelong wait in the queue may not bear fruit.

Lesser mortals with lower burdens of debt have been advised to repay it at their respective workplaces.  As the advise goes, the teachers owe it to their students and doctors to patients under their care.  However most of us are at our wits' end at the perverse nature of this repayment when we look at the dent that these services, namely, education and health make in our finances!

As far as I am concerned, I think I have repaid my debts at the workplace over a long period of 37 years and I hope the account is settled in full.  Though numerous Tax Deductions at Source seem to suggest otherwise.

As part of this repayment festival, geriatricians are welcome to repay their DTM through me.

Election Season Prayer

Our boss(es) in the High Command, blessed be the family name.
Thy government come, Thy will be done in future scams as in the past ones.
Give me this season the Lok Sabha ticket,
Make me a minister as you made even those who deserted you in the end.
Do not succumb to the pressure from Aam Aadmi but deliver us from the CBI.

Amen.